You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
