I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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