we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
