Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
