We're facebook friends in real life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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