Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
