Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
