Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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