My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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