lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
