He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
