Midget sex pt 2 tonight
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
