yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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