we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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