in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
