So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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