i think my tv is drunk
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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