so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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