The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
