I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
