So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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