Only a mothe r could love this liver
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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