doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
