thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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