"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
