whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
