Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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