When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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