God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
