booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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