I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
