he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
