Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
