The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
