Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
