pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
