lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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