I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
