No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
