these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so much tequila, so little girl.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
