that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
