My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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