you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
