I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
