This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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