i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
