Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
