Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize