When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Congratulations! We have a period
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
