i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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