i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
