Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
