Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
