so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
