Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
