I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
