It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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