Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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