the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
