Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize