She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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