it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize