New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
