i may or may not be watching the land before time
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
