Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
