i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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