mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize