if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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