He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
