Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
