Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Randomize