She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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