he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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