Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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