I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
