Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
