I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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