I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
