i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
