She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
