She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
