I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
