i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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