All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
