We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
