Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
