Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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