I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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