So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
