did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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