i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
