So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
