he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
