White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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