she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
