therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Come on in and take your pants off
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