Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just google imaged poop.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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