Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
