Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
