It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
