Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
