We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
