That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is wine microwaveable?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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