Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize