nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
