There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
